Nikah and walima: what they are, who to invite, and invitation wording

What is a nikah?

The nikah is the marriage itself. The bride and groom each give their consent, an offer and an acceptance (ijab and qabul), in front of witnesses, and the contract is signed. An imam usually leads it with a short sermon and a dua, and many families have the bride's wali, her father or another guardian, take part. The mahr, the groom's gift to the bride, is agreed as part of it.

It can be held at a mosque, at home or at the wedding venue, and it often takes less than an hour. Some families hold it weeks before the wedding party, some on the same day, some the morning of the walima.

In England and Wales a nikah on its own is not usually a legal marriage. Most couples also register a civil marriage, at a registry office or at a mosque registered for marriages. Ask your registry office early, because it has notice periods of its own.

What is a walima?

The walima is the wedding feast, given to share the news of the marriage and to thank everybody for their blessings. Following the Sunnah, it is the groom's to give, so it is usually hosted and paid for by the groom's family. It comes after the nikah, and in many South Asian families after the rukhsati, often the next day or within the week.

It is usually the biggest event of the wedding: both families' relatives, friends, neighbours and the mosque community. Halls of three or four hundred are common, and some walimas have separate halls or sides for men and women.

What is the difference between a nikah and a walima?

Around them, many families have other functions: the dholki, evenings of drumming and singing at home; the mayun or haldi, when the bride is rubbed with turmeric; the mehndi; and on the wedding day the baraat, the groom's party arriving, and the rukhsati, the bride leaving her parents' home. Arab and Somali weddings have their own, from the henna night to the aroos. The guide to Asian wedding invitations covers the whole run of functions.

Who should you invite to the nikah and the walima?

• The nikah: parents, grandparents, brothers and sisters, the closest aunts and uncles, the imam, the witnesses and the wali. Some couples open it to everyone; most keep it small.
• The walima: everyone the two families want to celebrate with. Each family often draws up its own list, so join them into one before anybody is invited.
• Children: usually welcome at a walima, less often at a mosque nikah. Say which, per event.
• Guests abroad: relatives in Pakistan, Bangladesh, the Gulf or further may come for the walima alone, or watch the nikah online.

Keep one list of people with a tick for each event, whichever family hosts it. It is how you see that the same neighbours are on both sides' lists, and it stops the walima being counted twice. The guide to multi-day wedding guest lists explains how.

Nikah and walima invitation wording

Open with a greeting, name the family inviting, and give the link. Many families begin with Bismillah or a line from the Quran, such as the verse about spouses being created for tranquillity (Ar-Rum 30:21), and greet with Assalamu alaikum.

Say who is hosting. Guests expect the nikah from the bride's family and the walima from the groom's, and an elder can be hurt to be invited by the wrong side.

What to put on a nikah or walima invitation

• Date, time and venue for each event, and the mosque's name and address if the nikah is there. A walima often starts late; say when food will be served.
• Seating, if men and women sit separately, so families know where to go on arrival.
• What to wear: modest dress, and a headscarf for women at a mosque. Each event can say its own.
• Food: that it is halal, and a way for guests to tell you about allergies.
• Children, per event.
• Gifts, if you want to say anything: many guests give money, and some families say no gifts at all.

Leave the mahr off. It is agreed between the families and the couple, and it has no place on an invitation.

Send the invitations eight to twelve weeks before, and set a reply-by date four to six weeks before, so the walima hall and caterer have numbers in time. If the wedding falls near Ramadan or Eid, send them earlier still, because diaries fill.

How to do it with Our Guest List

1. Add each event. The nikah, the walima, and the mehndi or dholki if you are having them, each with its own date, venue, address and dress code.
2. Add your guests. Paste each family's list, bring people in from your phone's contacts, or type them. Put each household on one invitation.
3. Choose their events. Open a guest and press Choose their events. Their invitation shows only the ones you tick, so the walima guests never see a nikah they were not asked to.
4. Say what to expect. Each event's dress code can say modest dress and a headscarf at the mosque. Every invitation links to your website, and on Tailored you can write its What to wear and Questions sections yourself, for the seating and the halal food.
5. Send on WhatsApp. Each guest gets their own message from your own phone, and replies to each event on their own link.
6. Read the numbers. Home shows the replies for every event, and the spreadsheet you export has each event's headcount and everyone's dietary notes.
7. Check names at the door. Turn on door check-in, and whoever is on the door at the walima can see who was invited.

The free plan covers 50 guests and two events, which is enough for a nikah and a small walima. Tailored, a one-off £65, gives you 400 guests, every event, and lets both families plan on the same list together. Bespoke, £195, has no guest limit.

Questions people ask

What is the difference between a nikah and a walima?

The nikah is the marriage contract, made with consent before witnesses and usually led by an imam. The walima is the feast that celebrates it afterwards. The nikah is often small and hosted by the bride's family; the walima is usually large and hosted by the groom's family.

Who pays for the walima?

Commonly the groom's family, because giving the walima is the groom's Sunnah. Some families share the cost, and some couples pay for it themselves. Agree it between the families before the hall is booked.

Do you send separate invitations for the nikah and the walima?

You need a separate reply for each, not a separate card. Send each guest one invitation that lists only the events they are invited to, so the small nikah and the large walima each get their own headcount.

Is a nikah a legal marriage in the UK?

Not on its own, in most cases. In England and Wales a nikah is usually not legally recognised unless a civil marriage is also registered, either at a registry office or at a mosque registered for marriages. Check with your local registry office.

What should I write on a walima invitation?

A greeting such as Assalamu alaikum, who is hosting (usually the groom's parents), the couple's names, the date, time and venue, what to wear, whether men and women sit separately, that the food is halal, and a reply-by date.