Plus-ones and children at a wedding: who to invite, and how to say no kindly
The short answer. Pick one rule for plus-ones and one for children, apply it to everybody, and let the names on each invitation say it. A common plus-one rule is couples who are married, engaged or living together. To say no children, address the invitation to the adults by name and add one warm line, such as "We love your little ones, but this will be an adults-only celebration."
Who gets a plus-one at a wedding?
There is no single etiquette rule, which is why the answer causes arguments. What matters is that you choose a rule and apply it to everyone. Guests mind an unfair rule much more than a strict one.
| The rule | Who gets a plus-one | Works best when |
|---|---|---|
| Couples only | Married, engaged or living together | Numbers are tight. The usual starting point. |
| Couples you have met | Partners you know by name | You want the day to be people you know |
| Anyone in a relationship | Every guest with a partner | There is room, and you'd rather not judge relationships |
| Guests who know nobody | A friend coming alone into a room of strangers | Most of your guests are family |
| Everyone | Every adult guest | A large venue and a generous budget |
Make exceptions for the wedding party. A bridesmaid or a groomsman who spends the whole day working usually gets a plus-one whatever the rule says.
Named partner or "and guest"?
Name the partner whenever you can. "Sam and Priya" is an invitation for two particular people. "Sam and guest" lets Sam choose, and that is fine for a single friend who would otherwise come alone, but you won't know who is coming until they reply. Ask for the name in the reply, so you can write a place card.
How do you word plus-ones on the invitation?
Who an invitation is addressed to is who it invites. "Kemi and Dele" invites two people; "The Adeyemi family" invites everyone in the house. Then one line confirms it. Copy any of these and change the names.
Should children be invited to the wedding?
Decide per event, not once for the whole weekend. Plenty of families welcome children at a traditional wedding or a daytime lunch and keep the evening reception for adults. That is easier to say, and to accept, when each event has its own invitation line.
- Family children only. Nieces, nephews and godchildren. The commonest middle way, and easy to explain.
- Babes in arms. Babies still being fed are welcome, older children aren't. Say the age if you can.
- Children at the day, not the evening. Families come to the ceremony and the meal and leave before the party.
- Adults only. Clear and fair. Give parents plenty of notice so they can find a sitter.
A child-free wedding is not rude. It is a common choice, for cost, the venue or the kind of party you want. What matters is saying so clearly and kindly, and being consistent.
Count children in your numbers from the start. A table for ten with four children on it is still ten chairs, and caterers often charge something for a child's meal.
How do you say no children on a wedding invitation?
Address the invitation to the adults by name. That does most of the work, and most guests will understand without a word more. Then add one warm line near the end, after the details, and say the same on your wedding website. Once is enough.
Saying how many places the invitation holds, as in "We have saved 2 places for you", makes the same point without mentioning children at all.
Firmer wording, for when you need it
Wording for some children, or some events
Decide your exceptions before anyone asks, so every family hears the same answer.
If children are welcome at one event and not another, name them on the invitation and invite them to that event alone. On Our Guest List each person on an invitation can be asked to different events, so a child is only asked to the ones they are invited to.
What to say when a guest asks anyway
Someone will ask. Answer quickly, kindly and the same way every time, with the rule rather than a reason about them, because word travels.
What not to do
- Don't make exceptions quietly. Guests compare notes, and one exception becomes the rule.
- Don't write it in capitals, or say it three times. Once, warmly, is enough.
- Don't leave it until the last week. Parents need time to find childcare, so it belongs on the invitation itself.
- Don't leave the invitation vague. "The Adeyemi family" with no number of places invites whoever turns up.
Keeping count when an invitation covers several people
Send one invitation per household, and set how many people it covers. Then the reply tells you how many are actually coming, event by event. A family of five invited to three events can be three to the traditional wedding and five to the reception, and a single headcount would hide that.
How to do it with Our Guest List
- Put each household on one invitation. Add the first person, then set how many people the invitation is for. When you first set up, you can type a whole household in one go, like Ade, Funmi and the kids.
- Give a plus-one. Open the guest and set how many people they can bring. Their reply says how many are actually coming.
- Choose their events. Press Choose their events and tick only the events that guest, and their household, are invited to.
- Let them answer. A guest with a plus-one says how many are coming to each event; on a reminder's one-tap reply that is Yes, just me or Yes, with my guest. A household can answer for everyone at once with Yes, all of us, or answer each person and each event separately.
Your list then shows a headcount for every event. The free plan covers 50 guests and two events; bigger weddings need a package, from £65 as a one-off payment. See the wedding page.
Questions people ask
- Do you have to give every wedding guest a plus-one?
- No. Most couples give plus-ones to guests who are married, engaged or living together, and to the wedding party. What matters is applying the same rule to everybody and saying so on the invitation.
- How do you politely say no kids at a wedding?
- Address the invitation only to the adults, and add a warm line such as "We love your little ones, but this will be an adults-only celebration." Give parents plenty of notice, and don't make quiet exceptions.
- Where do you put 'no children' on a wedding invitation?
- Near the end of the invitation, after the details, and again on the wedding website. Address the invitation to the adults by name as well.
- Is it rude to have a child-free wedding?
- No. It is a common choice, for cost, the venue or the kind of party you want. What matters is saying so clearly and kindly on the invitation, and being consistent.
- What do you say when someone asks to bring their children?
- Thank them, say you've kept the day adults only for everyone, and say you'd love to see them if they can make it work. Offer to help with childcare if you can.
- Is it rude to not give a plus-one?
- No, as long as the rule is fair and clear. It is kind to give a plus-one to a guest who will know nobody else there, and to members of the wedding party.
- Do children count in the wedding headcount?
- Yes. Every child takes a seat and usually a meal, even if caterers charge less. Include them in the number for each event they are invited to.
- How do you address an invitation to a whole family?
- Name everyone if you can, for example "Ade, Funmi, Tomi and Bola". "The Adeyemi family" is warmer but leaves the number open. Either way, say how many places the invitation holds.
Last updated 30 October 2026